Thank you to everyone who has been following my blog, and apologies for the lack of posts with Soul Destruction Diary while I have been unwell. Hopefully, I will be continuing with the Diary soon as there is a great deal more of Nicole’s story to tell.
I wanted to give everyone an update of some brilliant news I’ve had this week. My debut novel, Soul Destruction, has found a home with a UK publisher and will be published in due course by Caffeine Nights.
This is a personal message to the lovely people I feel honoured who are following my blog. Due to an increase in my PTSD symptoms, I’ve been unable to write new posts for Soul Destruction Diary, but hopefully that will change soon. I get ill like this with a major episode of either my bipolar or PTSD, or a mix of them both, about once a year. I always get better in the end, though sometimes it takes a couple of months or so.
The only way I’ve been feeling useful is by raising funds and awareness for Beyond the Streets, a charity that helps women exit prostitution. Some of you will already know that I have published on Amazon “In Her Own Words… Interview with a London Call Girl” from which all royalties are being donated to Beyond the Streets. It’s the transcription of a video interview I undertook with a London call girl for my research on prostitution in the late 1990s. She was a good friend and sadly, is no longer alive.
“In Her Own Words… Interview with a London Call Girl” is 77p to download from Amazon UK here and 99c to download from Amazon US here. It’s also available worldwide. It’s received a number of 5* reviews between the UK and US Amazon websites.
I’ve just made a trailer and thought I’d share it with you. If you’d like to share it on your blogs, Facebook, Twitter, Google+ or anywhere else, I’d be extremely grateful.
Thank you for bearing with me while I’ve been unwell.
Mickey climbs into the back of the van and I follow. He’s parked up on a side street near where we scored in Narrabeen. It’s a quiet road. All the houses are detached. On the grass verges, there’s trees every few feet that have been planted with the greatest precision. Now, I’m in the back, I can’t see any of it, just the grotty guts of this van. I strategically place a few of the multi-coloured cushions on the floor, so I can lie down without my white dress touching the dirt.
Yesterday was a write-off. I didn’t wake up when Mickey left early for work. I didn’t wake until the afternoon. With my skin painfully sunburnt, there was no point going back out in the sun. I stayed in my hotel room, rationing the gear I had left. Under my breasts, the skin’s stinging. I’m sweating, not from clucking. It’s the heat. This day must be the hottest since I’ve been in Sydney. With no air-conditioning in the van, it’s like a sauna.
Mickey passes me my filled syringe. Finally, I can have a decent hit. To make the smack I had last until this morning, I was only using enough to stave off the aches and sweats. The dodgy vein on the inside of my elbow still isn’t healed. So I inject the hit in my lower arm.
“Can I hold you?” Mickey asks.
“You can try.”
He arranges the spare cushions to make a slim bed next to him. He opens his arms and rolls me over. My head is on his chest as it was the last time, but my eyes are directed at his face. Although it’s a strain, because the heroin makes my eyes close, I force them to stay open. Looking at him helps. It stops other men’s faces entering my head. He’s not like most men. I don’t need to be scared. I repeat that in my head.
“Is there any news on your grandma?” I say.
“She’s doing all right. Dad’s still with her. That’s sweet of you to ask.”
“Is your mother blind?”
“No. Why would my mum be blind?”
“Must’ve been a dream.” I’m feeling so fucked from the gear, I forgot I didn’t want to bring that up. “That morning you left when you had to take your mum shopping, I thought you said she was blind.”
“She doesn’t drive, that’s all.” Mickey chuckles. “You’re a funny one, Nicole.”
“What do you mean by that?” I pull away from him and sit upright.
“Nothing bad, beautiful. I think you’re great. You’re just not like the other girls I know.”
I lie back down with my head on his chest. No, Mickey, I’m not like the other girls you know, but for reasons I don’t think you’re aware of. Or maybe he does know. Maybe Stix has told him what I am. I shut my eyes tight as if that’ll make it all disappear. Hiding the truth is a lie. I don’t want to lie to Mickey, but I don’t want him to reject me.
Soul Destruction 